Let’s be honest—parenting is hard. No one hands you a manual when your child is born, and most of us end up winging it, using a mix of gut instinct, what our parents did (or didn’t do), and advice from friends, books, and the internet.
Have you ever thought about how the way you parent shapes your child’s future? How you set boundaries, handle discipline, and show love doesn’t just influence their behaviour—it helps build their confidence, resilience, and even how they navigate relationships as they grow.
So, let’s break it down. What kind of parent are you right now, and how can you be the best version of that?
The Four Parenting Styles – Which One Sounds Like You?
Most parenting approaches fall into one of four categories. You might not fit neatly into just one (most of us don’t!), but you’ll probably recognise yourself in at least one of these descriptions.
1. The ‘Firm but Fair’ Parent (Authoritative Parenting)
This is the sweet spot—firm rules but also warmth, understanding, and respect. You expect a lot from your child but also give them the tools and support to succeed.
🔹 What this looks like:
- You explain the reasons behind the rules instead of saying, “Because I said so.”
- You listen to your child’s feelings, even if the rules don’t change.
- You encourage independence, but they know you’re always there to guide them.
📌 How this affects your child: They’re likely to be confident, resilient, and good at handling their emotions. They also tend to do better in school and relationships because they feel supported but also know how to handle responsibility.
💡 Want to strengthen this approach?
- Keep talking and listening, even when it’s tempting to shut the conversation down.
- Use natural consequences instead of punishments (e.g., “If you don’t put your toys away, they’ll get lost” rather than “I’ll throw them in the bin”).
2. The ‘Because I Said So’ Parent (Authoritarian Parenting)
This style is all about rules and discipline. There’s not much room for negotiation, and children are expected to obey without question. It’s often how many of us were raised, especially if our parents believed that “respect” meant “doing as you’re told.”
🔹 What this looks like:
- “I don’t want to hear excuses. Just do it.”
- Strict rules with little explanation.
- High expectations but not much emotional warmth.
📌 How this affects your child: They might do well in structured environments, but they could struggle with self-esteem or decision-making. Some children become overly anxious about making mistakes, while others rebel against authority.
💡 Want to soften this approach?
- Start explaining why rules exist—kids are more likely to follow them if they understand the reason.
- Show warmth and encouragement, not just discipline.
3. The ‘Anything Goes’ Parent (Permissive Parenting)
You love your child so much that you struggle to say no. You don’t want to upset them, so you let them have their way more often than not. Discipline? You’ll enforce it—until they start whining, and then it’s easier to just let it slide.
🔹 What this looks like:
- Rules exist, but they’re flexible (especially if there’s a tantrum).
- You prioritise being liked over setting firm boundaries.
- Bedtime? Screen time? Junk food? You try to be reasonable but often give in.
📌 How this affects your child: While they grow up feeling loved, they might struggle with self-discipline. They expect things to go their way and find it hard to cope with disappointment or failure.
💡 Want to add more structure?
- Set firm but fair rules and stick to them—even when it’s hard.
- Teach patience and delayed gratification (e.g., “You can have sweets after dinner” rather than “Fine, have them now”).
4. The ‘Hands-Off’ Parent (Neglectful Parenting)
This is the parenting style most people don’t want to admit to. But let’s be real—life is exhausting, and sometimes, parents check out emotionally without meaning to. This style happens when a parent is physically present but not really engaged.
🔹 What this looks like:
- Not really knowing what’s going on in your child’s life.
- No clear structure or rules.
- Limited emotional connection or communication.
📌 How this affects your child: These children often feel unsupported, insecure, or even invisible. They might struggle with relationships and emotions, and they may act out to get attention.
💡 Want to reconnect?
- Start with small, meaningful moments—even 10 minutes of focused time makes a difference.
- Show an interest in their world—ask about their favourite game, TV show, or what happened at school.
So… How Can You Be a Better Parent?
The good news? Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. If you recognise yourself in a style that isn’t working, you can shift things.
Here are some simple ways to level up your parenting:
✔ Be consistent. Kids feel safe when they know what to expect.
✔ Talk and listen. Not every conversation has to be deep—but stay engaged.
✔ Model the behaviour you want to see. If you want them to be kind and respectful, show them what that looks like.
✔ Praise effort, not just results. “I love how hard you tried” is better than “You’re so smart.”
✔ Take care of yourself too. A burnt-out, stressed parent struggles to be patient and present. Look after yourself so you can show up for them.
Final Thoughts – You’ve Got This
Every parent has good and bad days. Some days, you’re patient and engaged, other days, you’re just counting down until bedtime. That’s normal.
What matters is that you’re trying. You care enough to read this, which means you’re already on the right path. Small changes add up. Simply being a bit more present, a little more patient, or adding a touch more structure can have a huge impact on your child’s development.
So, what’s one small change you could make today? Start there. And remember—you’re probably doing better than you think.
